I left Gujarat about 9 weeks ago and have reflected back to the time I spent there, the people I spoke with and the experiences that fill my memory.  The academic and field experience I gained from the 2 weeks in different parts of Gujarat, mixed with the opportunities to see the inside of slums and the rare cases of meeting celebrities and hard to reach people, made me realize I was given an amazing chance to see what it is to work for in the conflict.

Our J-Term group prepped by watching documentaries, reading articles on the background and by discussing important issues and questions regarding the communal violence of 2002. We also each had a focus on what our research would comprise and came up with interview questions around these topics, in order to be concise and precise in the interviews with informants.  I felt pretty secure with my preparation and topic ideas before going to Gujarat and I felt confident that I understood the conflict correctly.

Looking back, I am more confused than when I entered Gujarat.  Gaining firsthand accounts of what actually happened versus what others told us, and then compared to what we read in preparation made my head spin and forced me to dig deeper.  Taking into account different informants’ perceptions and keeping it in mind when writing about my specific topic was extremely challenging for me.  In fact, it is probably the reason I ended up changing my topic so many times.  I began to see so many different sides to things and it began to make my research more and more convoluted.

After one debrief, we had established that the situation in Gujarat, 2002 communal violence and the present situation left unhealed and vulnerable, was a huge puzzle and the pieces need to not only be put together, but first needed to be found.  In all of the research we had done, in all of the people we spoke to and of all the resources we utilized, there still seemed to be parts of the puzzle missing.  Stories did not match up, some people were inaccessible, and there will always some stones that are too heavy to be unturned and left to be buried.

I think it will take a series of experiences and different trips in order to put the pieces of this particular puzzle together.  Although I believe we gathered a lot of relevant information and I believe we made a great deal of connections to certain issues and societal problems, we are not even close to being done with this puzzle.  And in a situation as complex as the communal violence of 2002 and the issues that currently exist in Gujarat, it is severely detrimental make assumptions and be conclusive.  It would be trying to write off an issue as x and y without really understanding the complexities behind it.

Making an issue what you want it to be is not solving anything. It is doing more harm than good.  So, all we can do is continue to seek out the various issues and understand how they relate to one another.  And then relate them to the overall structural violence and state-sponsored issues.  When all of these issues are understood in relation to one another, the pieces of the puzzle should fit. And hopefully, a multilateral and multidisciplinary approach to a solution can follow.

The communal violence of 2002 came with huge human rights violations and implications for healing the civil society of Gujarat.  However, even apart from the violence that occurred in 2002, human rights abuses exist in all levels of society and within different vulnerable groups.

To begin with the 2002 violence, the Muslims were killed in a sort of genocide fashion and there were multiple human rights violations are being extremely discriminated against.  Moreover, Muslims in Gujarat, to this day, live in fear and wonder when another 2002 violence will occur.  Their basic needs are not being met, in terms of access to education, health care and other government services.  And in turn, they are forced to live near sewage (or in it) and have no sense of dignity.  These abuses go unrecognized daily and, although efforts are being made by NGOs and other humanitarian-based individuals/groups, much still needs to be done.

Another sector that has faced many criticisms and complicates human rights issues is the caste system within Gujarat and parts of India.  Although on the surface the caste system is illegal, within Gujarati society it is still accepted and practiced.  And because the caste system is still adhered to, the low-caste members still face discrimination in society and in the workplace and still face the brunt of the discrimination when it come to opportunities.  This is considered human rights abuses because these members still live in want.  They are not given the same rights and privileges as high-caste members, and as a result, they are looked down upon, stigmatized by society and live without dignity.

Then, there is the gay community within Gujarat.  Although the gay community in Gujarat, and India as a whole, face a lot of discrimination and violence from society, according to one of our informants they face more violence from within families.  Being gay, in Indian society is not accepted and is looked down upon; in most cases, men are often forced to hide their sexuality and pretend that they are straight in order to avoid being stigmatized by the rest society.  In fact, our informant told us that 80% of gay men are married to women in India.  This is also considered to be a human rights issue because the gay community is is left in want and fear the violence that has been committed against them in the past.

With all these human rights violations that are being committed in Gujarat, concurrently, it is imperative for humanitarian groups and individuals to raise their voice. The people that are facing these human rights violations daily and have no outlet or capacity to voice their concerns are lost.  They need those in positions of power or those that are willing to fight and have at least more privilege, to raise awareness on their behalf.

We met individuals who did just this.  Malaika, a professional dancer and part of upper-class society, a woman with power and prestige, showed her concern for these human rights abuses.  She used her power in the best way possible and faced the repercussions of standing up and making her voice known.  She faces daily harassment and her life is more complicated now, more than ever, but she is still fighting for the bigger cause.  She is fighting for humanity.

We also met a member of the gay community and member of Laksha in Gujarat, who changed the perception of gays in India.  He was also part of a royal family in Rajput and was scared to come out.  But he did it for the greater good.  He did what most could not do, due to their status or their futures.  He took the initiative and is continuing to fight for gay rights.  He is aiming to change these human rights abuses within Gujarat, and the greater India.

And last, but certainly not least, we have NGOs like Prashant and other groups, that constantly fight this battle.  Their voice is their strength and the strength of those that do not have a voice; but their voice also weakens the institutions that are in place to perpetuate that cycle of discrimination and human rights abuses.  Although this is the point, these humanitarian groups are suffering from harassment and complications in all aspects of their lives; their safety and security are in danger.  Whether they stand up for these vulnerable groups in the form of naming and shaming at conferences or on radio shows, they are using whatever power they have in order to raise awareness of these violations.  They are doing what we have been told to do over and over again. Raise your voice.

When I first arrived to India, my research was to determine whether there was a link between the long-term effects of colonialism in Gujarat and the persistent, religious violence that continued to plague the country.  In my experience, the Indians I knew had conflicting feelings about British occupation in India.  There were the ones who blamed everything on the British, down to why they woke up late in the morning.  Obviously some of the connections and statements between colonialism and present violence are certainly accurate, blaming each and every aspect of negativity in one’s life on the British was far-fetched, in my opinion.

Then there were those individuals who believed that the British were actually good for India.  Many of the informants I spoke with truly felt that without the British, India would not have half of the developments they now hold and would probably be worse off, than they were now.  They felt that the British were good to Indians more than they were cruel and that they were just trying to develop India, not manipulate them.

However, one of our informants said something very interesting.  When I asked her feelings about the British occupation and Gujarat’s current state by referring to culture.  She stated The British actually liked Indian culture; they embraced it and pushed Indians to adhere to their cultural norms, as usual. They saw us as one. It is Modi and his puppets who have ruined our culture.  

The idea that the British made Indian culture accepted and that Modi ruined it was an interesting one, at the very least.  This young woman, in my opinion, interpreted something I had not even considered.  She explicitly said that the British saw us as one in our culture and in our way of life.  That although India was comprised by many states, Indian culture and Gujarati culture, regardless of religious association, were extremely similar and descents of one another.  Although there were divisions, they were not highlighted nor were they intentionally used against one another to create conflict.

But ever since Modi came into the picture, Indian culture in Gujarat was unraveled, pulled apart and separated by types of thread and different colors.  The more expensive thread in one pile, the green thread in one and the orange thread in another, the older thread in the next pile, and so and so forth.

Such can be said about the society within Gujarat.  The Hindus are in one area, the Muslims make up another; the high-caste Hindus are here and the low-caste, OBCs and Dalits are there; the Gandhians are comprised in this place and the Modians make up that place. Everyone became divided within society, based on cultural practices, and, in a sense, subcultures formed once Modi was in power.

Although this is not to say that British occupation did not negatively affect India in economic or other cultural terms, but in a sense because they viewed an Indian culture as one and as something to embrace as one they did not cause as much conflict, in some respects.  Although their methods of divide and conquer were harmful in the long run, they still perceived Indians to be alike and did not divide them among cultural aspects, the way Modi is.

After being invited into the village, in Zankvav, I became enthralled by the sights surrounding me.  But one particular scene I curiously and unblinkingly watched was a woman going to the well to fetch water.  In my 25 years, I had NEVER seen someone physically walk to a well and get water.  I had seen it in media, like movies, shows and articles, and I had imagined it when I was reading something describing this action, but I had never witnessed this act in person.  Although this was something so small compared to other unique and enlightening things we were exposed to, it was still exciting for me. And there was something that drew me into this…something that made me feel like the simple life was preferred in most ways than resisted, in my perspective.

The first thing that I learned about the villages was that, although it was like a small community, they still had tensions among the members, like every other community.  I recall the woman who welcomed us into her home speaking of a neighbor they had been having issues with; at the moment, he was passing their house, curiously eyeing the visitors inside.  What was interesting was that although they were not immune to typical tensions within the community, they were immune, even if it were temporary, to outside news and violence.  They woman told us they had not experienced the violence that occurred in Gujarat in 2002.  Moreover, she told us that the news had not even reached about this conflict until much later.  The access of news in the villages is extremely slow and sometimes news never reaches these regions.

Although it is typical for many Indians to eat their meals on the floor, I was not used to it since I had moved out of my parents home and I knew my classmates had not experienced it frequently or at all in some cases.  As someone who prefers to sit on the floor, in general, I found this refreshing.  I remember taking a seat in front of a colorful, straw placemat and taking in what I saw on my plate.  There was a green soup of some sort and a type of white rice and grain bread with an imprint of a flower on it, and there was a mix of lightly spiced vegetables, as well.  After eating at various restaurants in different regions of Gujarat, we were all happy to enjoy a light, home-cooked meal.  This was also the first day none of us experienced stomach issues.  The combination of sitting on the floor, focusing on meal-time banter and eating delicious food and drinking medicinal tea must have been the cure all of us needed that week.

As we all enjoyed our mellow and relaxing, yet informative day and evening in the village, we all began to wonder whether or not we would be able to live in a village like the one we were visiting.  We began to describe the things we would be without, such as internet, cable T.V., malls, and basically most forms of entertainment.  We were going back and forth between which of these luxuries we could live without and which we could not survive without and it was very interesting to see the differences of what our group valued.  The only thing we all agreed we could not live without is the internet.

I began to contemplate if I could actually live in the village; if I could just leave the city life I grew up in, leave the lifestyle I was accustomed to, and ignore the convenience I had been blessed with 25 years.  After reflecting on my personal feelings I realized two things: the first was that if I had grown up in this setting, sans internet, TV accessibility and the conveniences that city dwellers were given, then I would not know what I was missing…I would be used to living a certain way and would not think daily about what I did not have. Because after all, you cannot miss what you never had.

The second thing I realized was that the grass was always greener on the other side.  Although I am not complaining about the life in the city, but sometimes you just need to get away.  The hustle and bustle, which I usually love, can sometimes be overwhelming and it makes one desire some peace of mind.  Living in the village was a romantic and desired thought for me, yes, but I knew I would not be able to live there forever.  I knew that I was used to living a certain way that would challenge my life in a village.  And this was because the grass was always greener on the other side.

I never really thought of myself as coming into Gujarat as an outsider, but that is exactly what I was…not just in Gujarat, in India in general.  I always thought I blended in really well; perhaps physically, I did for the most part but as I quickly began to realize I was also somewhat of a foreigner.  In fact, I learned just how different I was when I began to speak one on one with our informants and general friends who were accompanying us to these many different scenes in Gujarat.

I recall speaking to one woman who was part of an action group to fight discrimination among different religious groups in Gujarat and learning that our similar age and background, did not mean we were similar at all.  She was a student like me, but she was studying commerce and she was working for this organization as an extracurricular activity.  She also firmly believed that the British ruined India and left it weak and easy to manipulate.  Then she began to talk about how she was studying so she could eligible for marriage and that she couldn’t wait.  As I was listening to her speak, I admired her motivation and her passion, but I also admired that she was not scared to show how strongly she felt about her opinions.  Although we didn’t have the same goals in life and were very different inside and out, we were still strong in our own ways; and that I could relate with many other women I met.

On another level, in a group discussion we were talking to a few informants in a village.  We spoke with a few elders, a few middle-aged persons and I spoke with many of the young girls that lived and went to school in the village.  As we sat listening to this woman, one of the elders of the village, I began to compare her ideas with that of my own family.  This woman was very set in traditional ways and believed that women should be covered at all times and should be modest and not outspoken for the sake of their moral reputation.

I began to view her the way my nani, my grandmother on my mom’s side, viewed Indian women.  She used to yell at me and tell me I should not talk so much or share my opinion because it did not matter.  However, my mother was the exact opposite.  She would tell me to express myself and to be independent and never to rely on a man. My mom, who was happy in her marriage with my father, had seen enough in her lifetime to teach her daughters differently and my father supported this, as well.  But when we were talking to this woman her daughter, her daughter did not talk so much about her mother’s opinion of the way women should act nor her mother’s belief that girls should not be educated.  Instead, it was her son in-law that was motivated to get his daughters educated and be more than he could be.

My opinion about all of these things was very fluid the whole time I was in India.  Even when I was meeting women and other Indian people, I was extremely conflicted on how I felt and the comparisons I made to my upbringing just confused me more.  Eventually, I began to separate myself from the equation and tried to view everything in the eyes of a foreigner. This is where I began to apply the idea of perceptions and began to realize the way I was raised was although similar in the customs and traditions of an Indian family, but perhaps not so much the teachings.  I was in school for different reasons that some of the Indians I met in Gujarat but they were similar at the same time…our outlook of the future was very different because our pasts were very different. As an American-born Indian in Gujarat, I was foreign in almost every respect, and barely similar in all.     

A beautiful and colorful village came into view, as the bus passed the iron wrought gates  Straight ahead, there was a white building with blue trimming and a woman peering over the ledge, curious about newcomers.  As soon as the bus emptied, she yelled something in her native tongue, Gujarati.  It roughly translated to Did they come to bring us money? 

This particular Hindu village was receptive to heavy pockets, but did not welcome Muslims like many other villages in Ahmedabad.  According to one informant, when tourists and researchers began to visit these villages, they would often bring honorariums or gifts of some kind for a tour or for some information.  Thus, this woman asking if we brought money was based off of what she was used to when visitors came into the village.

This village was made up of high caste Hindus that were extremely exclusive and complete with many Dalits or “untouchables” that cleaned the streets and the facilities.  There was separation between the higher caste and the lower caste due to the “untouchability” of these Dalits and it was accepted.  We were told that even the high caste women and low caste women tied their saris differently, so they can distinguish the differences physically.  And then there was a division among Muslims and Hindus, when it came to living in the villages.  We were also told that some Muslims came to this village and asked to live among the Hindus and we aggressively turned away.

Moreover, the news that visitors were at the village traveled fast.  As we stood listening to our guide talk about the details of the village, we noticed 2 more women and their children walking toward us.  They were talking amongst themselves while we snapped photographs of them.  And then, another woman and her two children also approached the group, but kept their distance from us and the other two women and children.  In addition, we also had two women and their children standing in front of the gate to their house, curiously watching the interactions between us and the rest of the village.  It seemed that these villagers were waiting for something…

Unfortunately, that day this village did not receive any money or gifts from us.  And I wondered as we drove away and past the Muslim village, close to the village we visited, if this happened often, maybe even daily.  Did these villages wait for the gifts or money of researchers? Were they often disappointed or was it usual for them to receive money and presents? Did the Muslim villages get these same visitors?

As I was reading one of Gujarat’s news journals, with Modi on the front cover of course, I nearly burst out laughing.  The author of the article referred to Modi as Lord Voldemort, the evil villain of the Harry Potter series.  And suddenly, without even reading further into why he made this reference, it all clicked.

Lord Voldemort envisioned a world where only wizards and witches lived and dark magic ruled their lives.  For him, Muggles (humans) only got in the way and the world would be a much better place without these people who understood nothing about what it meant to be a wizard or witch or the pride of their rich history.  In this sense, Modi is comparable because he envisions Muslims as terrorists and as people who don’t belong in his world because they don’t understand what it truly means to be a Hindu.  Therefore, he envisions a nation or perhaps even world with only Hindus.

Then, Lord Voldemort does not like Mudbloods (Wizards/Witches who procreated with humans to make half babies).  He believes this Mudbloods are not true wizards/witches and, again, do not understand what it means to truly be a member of this elite and prestigious part of the world.  And he envisions that these Mudbloods be wiped out as well, in order to secure a world of just wizards and witches.  Modi does not like anyone who defends the Muslims, like the Christians or Hindus who mix with Muslims.  He perceives people who do as the enemy and as a threat to the legacy he is trying to develop.  In order to continue his position of power and to secure a unified nation of Hindus, he must target those who defend anything besides Hinduism.

In order to stop Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter must go through a series of challenges and destroy the 7 parts (Horcruxes) of the dark lord in order to defeat him entirely.  In other words, there was a process that Harry had to go through in order to destroy Voldemort or else he would continue to attempt his dream of a world with nothing but wizards and witches.  For Modi, there is no easy solution, either.  There must be a process in order to hinder a man obsessed with Hinduism and using fundamentalists to get his message across and mobilize the mass, as Voldemort did with his posse of Death Eaters who would carry out this plan. Because Modi has his claws in many parts of Gujarat, there must not only be multiple people/organizations going against him, but there will also be many phases to stop his actions.

Gujarat needs a Harry Potter; or many Harry Potters, for that matter.  It needs people who have no personal or selfish agenda, people who aren’t afraid to be heard and to speak out against evil and atrocities that are being committed, and people who are willing to fight till death for the greater good.  If the “defender of the faith” does not have enough Harry Potters to stop him, then eventually the envision of a unified and assimilated Gujarat will become reality.

Upon arriving to Gujarat, I have quickly learned that it plays home to many ancient religious sites.  Luckily, we had plenty of days in our itinerary visiting these mosques and temples and learning stories behind the gods and the religion.  In addition, we also had the pleasure of being guided within these religious sites by Dr. Saroop Dhruv, who is not only director of Darshan, but also one of the leading feminists in India.

In Siddhpur, we visited a site which held a Hindu Temple and Mosque.  It felt very unusual to learn that a temple and a mosque were connected.  But such was the case for the site in Siddhpur.  As Saroop told us that the Mosque held a Hindu Temple within its walls, I began to think how interesting this fact was.  And then I began to ask more questions like were these people practicing Islam and Hinduism concurrently, somehow? Or were there separate Hindus and Muslims that just decided to share the same walls? If such was the case, I couldn’t help but think how beautiful it was that two religions could come together and share one place for worship.  Just viewing and treating the other as a human, not as their religious affiliation.

In Modhera we visited the Sun Temple.  Although we had a visited the Rani Ki Vav Stepping Well in Patan, the first thing in view was a another stepping well in front of the temple.  This one was also extremely big and the amount of carving done on the stone was enough to make an individual feel useless about their accomplishments in life so far.  Saroop also told us stories about the carvings within the Sun Temple walls and explained the stories behind the different Gods, such as Laxmi and the Sun God Surya.  She also pointed out the fact that most of the gods were wearing very little clothing and that some of the carvings illustrated orgies of the gods and Kama Sutra images.  She further explained how we have actually regressed now and have become more prude and less creative; that these ancient carvings show just how open cultures and religions were about sex and human nature.

We had a very interesting experience at Sarkhej Roza, the Mosque.  While looking around at the carvings and intricate detail done to the jalis or the windows and the exquisite marble floors that stretched across the Mosque, we noticed the tomb of the Sheik.  As I was about to enter the room that held the tomb, Dr. Iyer said “you are not allowed to go in.” Upon seeing the look on my face, she followed with “women are not allowed to go in, just men.” I was stricken by the medieval nature of this rule and this was followed by the wave of nausea I usually get when I remembered just how patriarchal religion can be.  As we moved up the stairs and around the corner, there stood the Queen’s tomb.  Not only were both men and women allowed to enter, but her tomb was also a makeshift storage room.  I left Sarkhej Roza with mixed feelings.  Although I had seen a beautiful Mosque, I also saw how ugly the rules within the Mosque can truly be, especially towards women, practicing or not.

We also visited the Jain Temple called Hatheesinh.  This was a new experience for me, considering I had never visited one and what better place to do it than in Gujarat.  We again were accompanied by Saroop, who filled us in on how it is the same god in each carved window cabinet and explained that Jains were the first rebels against Hinduism.  She also explained that men and women can take vows of silence in Jainism and that Jains don’t eat any root vegetables like onions, garlic, etc, because they consider then living organisms.  It was an extremely interesting visit.

Our second day in Gujarat, we visited a very interesting region called Kachchh.  This area in Gujarat was drastically impacted by the big earthquake that struck in 2001.  However, Kachchh has been suffering from natural disasters for years and the links between natural disasters in a given area and the communal violence that exists is very prominent.  Although we spoke to a number of people regarding the situation within the region, my understanding of the dynamic of this specific area is still at unease and frantically working to information to cure this confusion.

In Bhuj, we talked to Sushma Iyengar, who is the director of Kutch Mahila Vikas Sangathan.  She informed us that she was working on issues related to the earthquake, gender and even culture.  She also depicted that Bhuj had experienced a series of disasters pre-earthquake, which were a cyclone in 1999, a drought, which were common in this region, in 2000 and then the earthquake in 2001.  Sushma implied that due to these previous disasters, there was plenty of relief organizations that already existed when the earthquake struck.

What was most interesting about speaking with Sushma was the points she made related to the violence within Gujarat and the severity of the earthquake.  She had explained that due to the high level of droughts in the region of Kachchh, there is a high level of interdependency due to the droughts.  There is almost a coexistence and mix of ethnicities that work together to get through these tough times.  It was interesting to hear that especially since the majority of the research and reading I have done talks about “survival of the fittest” during tough times and how natural disasters cause more tension in an already tense atmosphere.

The next morning we spoke to Father George of the Kutch Vikas Trust in Bhuj and he also mirrored the same sentiment as Sushma…that for the most part, there was very little tension in Kachchh and that it wasn’t like Gujarat.  He also further explained that everyone in Kachchh received the same amount of support and aid and that no one was discriminated.  However, when we began to ask more questions we also found that the they Kutch Vikas Trust were not allowed to enter Muslim villages, that at one point there was strong resistance to sending their children to the same schools, and that the amount of aid being given was corrupted and not properly being distributed.

All in all, Kachchh is extremely hard to understand, just as the rest of Gujarat.  I still cannot wrap my head around it.  What sticks out the most is that on the surface Kachchh seems to be a very close knit community, but when you dig deeper you realize that it is a highly politicized, highly divided society that is easy influenced by NGOs and Aid.

As I am making adjustments to my luggage and doing last minute preparation for India, multiple emotions are occupying my mind and body.  It is one of those things.  No matter how many documentaries you watch, how many lectures and stories you hear and how many articles you read, you never feel as prepared as you anticipated.  And as a result, you end up like me…vigorously trying to sort through the emotions that have taken over me within the past few days.

I can honestly say that the primary emotion I am feeling for this research trip is excitement.   As someone who is focusing on conflict resolution and peace studies, I can actually implement some of the tools I have learned within the past few years on the field for the very first time.  In addition, I will be able to hear these firsthand accounts of victims of the violence that has taken place in Gujarat for years.

I feel that seeing the expressions on the informants’ faces when they are telling their stories and hearing the pain and anger in their tones will help me, and us as a team, to determine how they truly feel in regards to the turmoil in Gujarat.  It will be a lot more personal than watching it on a TV or reading it in a book.  I believe this will help us share what we saw and heard in a more descriptive manner and we can give this kind of research the justice and attention it deserves, based on what our informants tell us.

On the other hand, I am extremely nervous about my first time in the field.  I have had a similar experience interviewing Native Americans on reservations last year and it also had a very sensitive nature.  But the difference is the violence was no longer present and the research had more of a historical standpoint and it was political in nature.  For Gujarat, although politics are present and history is crucial, the violence continues to persist and the issue is extremely sensitive from all sides.  Remaining neutral and probing for information without offending any of the informants will certainly be a challenge for this conflict.

Upon conversing with some of my group members, I suspect all of us are filled with these conflicting emotions, in one way or another. However, I believe that we have a good team of researchers going to Gujarat, as well as, an inspirational professor.  Support and encouragement are key to make the best of these types of research projects and I feel we have that and more. And the important thing to remember is first experiences in the field will help us for future experiences!