6.“They Shot the Principal”

I don’t think I will ever forgot the energy in the van when we received the news that the principal we had just interviewed was shot. A million questions ran through my mind at that moment; was he shot because he talked to us? Was conflict escalating again? Are we a target?  Are we safe? Why did I come here? Is my mother right, do I seek danger? … and so on. The questions expressed guilt and a sense of safety shattered, all while trying to ground and orient myself in the moment. Like the rest of my classmates, I chose silence at that moment and took refuge in the chaos of my mind. Talking was too difficult, I feared that I might loose my composure so I did the only thing I know to work at moments like these, and took deep breaths. Once oxygen began to once again flow through my body at a steady pace, I instantly resented the fact that I could not remember his name, and that I could remember the conversation but not the features of his face or what he was wearing the day we interviewed him. I felt like a careless human being for not remembering the small details, yet this is nothing new I have always been better at remembering emotions, faces and visuals over names and details, but at this moment it felt disrespectful. I know that I only felt the need to recall those details because the principal had passed away, had we not received the news of his murder he would have just faded in my memory like most of the other people that briefly come and go on our life’s.  This made me wonder what the point of it all was and yet reminded me that he might be gone but the positive changes he brought to his community had not been erased with his death, this thought helped me transition from shock to acceptance as I continued to take big breaths.

Once order and safety were reaffirmed in my mind, outrage made an appearance once we discovered the reason he was killed, professional jealousy. Never had I heard of such a thing, to be shot dead because you are doing too good of a job. In the world that I come from leaders of a community can become targets sure, but because they pose a threat to the status quo not because someone is jealous of their work. What an awful position to be in. These are the moments where I both loose faith in humanity and am at awe at the individuals that continue to do strive to bring about positive change despite the threats.

Rest in Peace Ruben K. Alameda