“The day I arrived home from my eight year captivity as a Prisoner of War in Vietnam, my wife said to me, “I want a divorce.”” As Phillip Butler from Veterans for Peace shared his story with us on Tuesday evening, I began to wonder about his on-going relationships with his first family. I rejoice with him that he has remarried and could feel his joy as he shared pictures and stories of their life together.

And, I wonder. Earlier in the day on Tuesday we learned about trauma and its impacts on one’s brain and one’s personal life. We talked about the impact of trauma on the lives of those who share the journey with the victims of trauma. We talked about helpers, healers and protectors. Family members, extended family members and caregivers are all impacted by violence even if they are not the ones directly suffering from the abuse. These persons are sometimes called secondary victims. The reality is violence can potentially impact and harm people, communities and systems for generations.

How did Phillip survive his time in captivity – physically, emotionally, and spiritually? I wish I had asked him what helped him get through that horrible time. As he showed sketches of the abuse enacted upon him and his body, I wondered how he managed to survive. He showed us one picture of himself with a fellow prisoner. I imagine friendship or at least shared companions made a difference. Was/is he a man of faith? Did his prayer help sustain him? Several years ago, I heard Terry Waite, the former Assistant for Anglican Communion Affairs for the then Archbishop of Canterbury, Robert Runcie, speak about his 5 year captivity (1987-1991) in Beirut. He noted that recreating the Anglican prayer book in his mind helped him to keep his mind engaged and kept him connected to God in prayer while he was being held hostage.

When Dr. Siddharth Shah spoke earlier in the day on Tuesday, he talked about the importance of self-care and staff-care for persons involved in trauma work. As helpers, healers and protectors, our care of self and creating a culture of staff-care with our colleagues is vital to our being able to do our work. This self-care is preemptive as we enter into the heart-wrenching stories of others.

When we think about our care of others, we need to be aware of the physical and verbal messages we send, including being sensitive to wall colors and room arrangement. Dr. Shah also noted we don’t always recognize the signs of trauma in others. Trauma can be masked as fatigue or appearing to be socially isolated. In our work as global peace builders, we also need to be aware of cultural differences. We need to communicate physical, verbal and nonverbal messages of care in culturally appropriate ways.

What does all of this mean to me personally in my role in the church? While I presently do not do a lot of conflict resolution and peace building work globally, I do walk pastorally with persons who have experienced trauma in their personal lives ( inside or outside of the church). Walking with parishioners in Newtown, CT after the shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School and family and community members after a transgender youth committed suicide earlier this year, I also know the painful realities  that violence showers on family members and friends. I am deeply aware of my own need for self care as I walk with others. I am also aware of those around me who support me in that care. I seek to offer that awareness and support to my colleagues.

I am committed to learning more about this topic and particularly exploring ways to help others build resilience. Later in our program we will be discussing resilience in greater detail. The article “Resilience: a Trojan horse for a new way of thinking?” by Frauke de Weijer has already given to me tools and a vocabulary for working for healthier living. These skills will help me to be a better builder of peace.